Letting Go
by Xubst
Summary: Teddy Lupin is saying goodbye to his parents. One-Shot.


**[AUTHOR's NOTE: I am tragically aware Harry Potter and the Wizarding World aren't mine but J.K. Rowlings. I have my bank account to prove it.]**

Teddy sat on his bed in the Hufflepuff boys dorm, not sure of what to do next. His trunk was all packed and all that was left was the end of the year feast to get through. He almost couldn't believe the seven years of hell were finally over. Of course it got a little bit better once he was older and Victoire had been attending Hogwarts too. He wasn't sure if he could've gotten through without her, even though he knew he shouldn't have relied on her so much. Still there was just so much she could do to prevent the glares, the whispered insults, the way too personal questions. He was glad it was over. He was looking forward to the holidays, when he would stay at Harry's and Ginny's place for two weeks, all by himself for the first time since gran had left him alone when he was thirteen and had set the couch on fire, trying to light a candle with matches. Arthur had once showed it to him and ever since he had wanted to try it for himself. After that day however gran lost all trust, so when she needed to go somewhere he always went to the Potters. Harry and Ginny however deemed him a bit more trustworthy now he was graduating. They also needed a sitter for the house, when their family went on their own holiday to Italy.

It hadn't got any easier being made Head Boy. Rumor spread that professor Longbottom gave him the position because of his connections with Harry Potter. Harry had been livid when he told him, but Teddy had urged him not to do anything. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it. It was one of their most heated arguments to date. Harry had said something about not letting people walk over him. Teddy said that if people would have thought a little harder before they acted there wouldn't be half the problems there were in the world. Harry took that as a jab at his past. They hadn't spoken for two weeks. Teddy felt awful about the whole thing and couldn't believe he would say such things, to his godfather no less. Thankfully Ginny interfered, she had locked them up in the old broomshed at the Burrow, forcing them to talk it all out. Still, the rumors hadn't died out as he hoped, and to make matters worse, several students were taunting him by misbehaving in front of him on purpose. At first he tried taking points or making them go to a teacher but it only got worse. After a while he just pretended not to notice anymore. Eventually they went back to the normal whispering of insults about his parents and grandmother, his bond with the Potters and the Weasley's and the fact that he couldn't seem to control his emotions, which were always visible through the change of his hair color and even his facial expressions. In his fourth year for instance they discovered that when he got angry, his eyebrows would become more bushy. The angrier he got, the fuller his eyebrows, and they were flaming red too, just as his hair was. They made a game out of it and that alone was infuriating enough to begin with. No, he wasn't at all sad he could finally leave this castle behind.

He had just one place to visit still, probably the only place he was going to miss. On entering the Main Courtyard his hair went to a deep brown colour, but his face kept its heart shape, and his eyes became a vivid lilac. He sat down on a bench in the corner near the entrance and opened his bag, withdrawing two rolls of parchment. He had finally come to a conclusion after all the hurt feelings and second thoughts he had about his parents' tragic story. He went through a phase of pure anger at his mother, where he couldn't believe she had abandoned him, knowing the risks. The questions he had about his dad, the things he'd done, rumours he heard, decisions he had made. After the angry phase, there was the depressed phase, where he had neglected his schoolwork and was mouthing of to teachers and just skipping class, disappearing into the forbidden forest. How many times Hagrid dragged him out of there he didn't even know. Once Hagrid said he was coming close to breaking the Weasley twins record.

But he understood now. The feelings he had for Victoire had changed everything. The way he thought, the way he acted, he wanted to be a better man, a better wizard for her, for their future. But he couldn't do that without making peace with his parents. So he sat there, on the Courtyard where they died, and wrote, wrote until his wrist was sore, until his back was aching from the discomfortable pose he had taken, until his eyes hurt from the tears he forced back.

 _Hey dad,_

 _I endured a lot of bullying these past few years. People calling me a beast or a half-breed. And it used to make me angry at you, for putting that burden on me. But now i think of how bad it must've been for you, being a full werewolf, being regarded as non-human while you had so many beautiful qualities. Like your intelligence and wisdom. Harry told me all about you when i started asking questions. He told me how you taught him to cast his patronus. I wish you could have taught me, though i guess Harry was the next best thing. Mine is a wolf you know. Guess i should have seen that one coming...everyone always said i was so much like you. I wish i could have known you for myself. Even a minute to talk to you would be fine by me. I know that's impossible, i can't talk to the death (except Colin of course, who annoys me by always floating right in front of me). I just wanted to let you know that i am finishing school today. Highest grades since aunt Hermione graduated. I will be starting the Obliviator courses after summer. I am excited for it but also scared. People know me better than i know myself it seems and i just can't handle the constant gossip. The hardest part will be not seeing Vic everyday. I am gonna miss her. I miss you. I miss you so much, and i don't even know what i miss exactly, which makes it all the more confusing. The most important thing i wanted to tell you is that i understand now. I understand why the sacrifice was necessary, why you and mom left me with gran. I was angry about it for a long time. But i get it now. And i forgive you._

 _Thanks dad, for everything._

 _Love, Teddy_

 _Dear mom,_

 _People always ask me about you. You didn't have to go, they say. You could have stayed with me. Once upon a time i agreed with them. You could have, should have stayed with me. I often wondered why you decided to go, knowing the risks, knowing you had an infant son waiting for you at home, a son who needed you. Because i really needed you mom. I needed you to tell me it would all be okay, i needed you to teach me how to tie my shoes, i needed your hugs and kisses and love, and you weren't there. I hated you so long, thinking you didn't love me at all, that i was a burden. I even thought you went into battle to escape me. I don't think that anymore. I know now. I know how deep love feels when you find that special someone, that one person who gets you and knows your soul. I have that with Vic. I love her more than anything. I am going to make her my wife someday if she lets me. And i understand now. I would follow her everywhere, even if i knew it meant my own downfall. But that's not why i forgive you. Aunt Ginny and Hermione told me loads of stories about you. The reason i forgive you is that i think you really thought you would survive. You really thought you could keep dad and yourself safe just by being there. They say you were an exceptional auror, i think you thought so too. I think you had every intention of returning to me. You never even thought about the risks, about the fact that you could die and never get to know your son. And i think, if you are somewhere beyond this world, you are punishing yourself enough already for that. I don't need to hold onto my anger, which everyone tells me i got from you.But mom, after all those years without you, i forgive you. Because i love you, just like you loved me. Which i now know to be true. I love you and i miss you so bad mom. But now it is time to let go._

 _I will never forget you._

 _Love, Teddy_


End file.
